5 Things I'm Learning While Still Getting My Financial Life Together

5 Things I'm Learning While Still Getting My Financial Life Together

Dawn Allcot

Thu, September 3, 2026 at 8:00 PM GMT+3 4 min read

Rebuilding your financial life, paying off debt or boosting your savings requires sacrifices. But for many couples, it also requires self-exploration and a spending plan that aligns with your goals.

Financial therapist and coach Elana Feinsmith of Oak Financial Coaching met with a couple in their late 30s with two young children. They were struggling with saving money and wanted to buy a house. Saving for retirement and for college were looming in the background as future goals.

Feinsmith said they were getting to the point where they had more money going out than coming in. They wanted to avoid credit card debt while freeing up money to save.

"You have to talk things out. But first, you have to get to a place where [talking it out] feels safe. It's not a blame game," Feinsmith said.

She was inspired to see them learning the following five lessons as they worked to get their financial lives on track.

1. Spending Can't Replace Connection and Communication

Feinsmith found money wasn't actually at the heart of her clients' problems. Like many individuals and couples, they were spending money to make up for something in their lives.

"They were using spending to replace connection," she said. "You can buy something expensive, but that's not going to help if the issue is really connection. We talked about communicating in a way that feels loving to both of them."

2. Building Savings Starts With a Spending Plan

Feinsmith helped the couple create a spending plan, which some other experts may call a budget.

"A budget sounds so limiting. It's like the difference between a diet and eating healthy," she said. But whatever you call it, you need to do the math to ensure you're bringing in more money than you're letting go.

3. Every Expense Is Worth Scrutiny

As you create your spending plan, it's important to consider every expense and decide whether it adds to your life and gives you what Feinsmith calls "green-light energy."

"On paper, a six-figure salary may sound like an impressive number," she said. "But once you take out taxes, retirement, health insurance, the amount that comes in per month is not as much as you think. You have to look at the amount that shows up in your account versus what's going out.

"It's important to take off the emotional googles and realistically look at what needs to be shaved down to break even, and then what needs to be broken off to create savings and a buffer."

For instance, the couple found they were overspending on entertainment, including hosting parties. For other people, overspending could come from travel, beauty treatments or impulse shopping.

4. It's Important for Couples To Align on Their Values

For couples, it's important they are on the same page with their spending plan and goals. It can create friction if one is a "saver" and one is a "spender," or one likes to hunt down deals and use cash-back apps while the other doesn't mind paying full price.

If they create a spending plan together, they should talk about how much is acceptable to spend on different line items, as well as how they want to spend their money, in general.

"What is most important to spend money on and what's not?" Feinsmith said. "Aligning spending with people's values is important."

5. Overspending Can Create a Post-Purchase Hangover

If you're not spending in alignment with what makes you feel good in the long term and aligns with your goals, you could wind up with what Feinsmith called "a post-purchase hangover." That can lead to feelings of guilt and what-if thinking.

"Sometimes people in a dark place think, 'Maybe if I bought this one thing, it would help me feel better,'" she said. "And usually buying something isn't the ideal solution to feel better. You get a tiny, little short [dopamine] hit but then you regret the purchase — especially if it went on a credit card."

Next Steps: Build a Team of Financial Advisors

As the next phase in their better financial life, Feinsmith helped the couple establish a team of financial advisors.

"We talked about them hiring an accountant and meeting with the accountant in the fall to see if there's anything they can do to improve their financial situation," she said. "We talked about a financial planner. We started projecting three or four years out to help them reach their goal of homeownership."

This article was provided by MoneyLion.com for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial, legal or tax advice.

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